There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
