Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
