he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
