your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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