I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
