I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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