Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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