I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Bring me that man meat
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
