Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
