He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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