: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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