you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
