What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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