tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize