I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We're not piercing ourselves today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize