Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
