my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
