I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
