Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
