The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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