He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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