I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
