Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
