There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
