I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
