Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
