Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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