after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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