Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
