.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
