I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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