Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
