Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this beer tastes like vomit already
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
