My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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