HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
