i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
