best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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