where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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