I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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