"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
