Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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