I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
too bad you live with your parents still
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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