I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
