I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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