If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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