Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
