so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize