She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize