alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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