I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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