Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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