So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
