i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
