I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
