I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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