I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
