The best revenge is premature balding
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
