why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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