I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
