guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
