i think my mom watched the whole time
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
