He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
