im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
