This girl is more easily done than said...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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