You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
