and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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