An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
